| goodnight, not goodbye. |
[May. 26th, 2004|09:11 pm] |
screw it. I'm so sick of it all. this is the last entry. here's the real deal, and this is what you'll be left with. yes, I'm depressed. there is no denying that. and no, I can't just snap out of it. and no, it's not because of zac. it started last year, and it hasn't gotten better. in fact, it's gotten worse.
in fact, I did something stupid last night. and I trusted Amanda to tell her what I did. and because she's my friend, she saw past it and still loved me. let that be a lesson.
however, every day I wake up, find something cute to wear, and force a smile on my face. sometimes the forcing thing works, and I feel better by the end of the day. sometimes it doesn't work. but I try. and that's what matters.
I'd like to say a few things, to vent, per say. I'm sick of suckups. earn things in life, otherwise, they're not worth anything. I'm sick of people who randomly have sex. ok, I'm not sick of the people themselves, but what they do. (there's a difference.) stop having sex. please. it's gross, and it devalues your body. I plan to either never have sex, or save it until I'm married. I'm sick of politics. everything is about politics. maybe that's why I'm gunna study it in college... or at least give it a shot. I love reading. everyone ought to read more. Great Expectations is a great book. so is An Ideal Husband. and Sister Carrie. these are my favorite books. everyone should also read Andrew Marvell's "To His Coy Mistress." the sexuality in the poem and the message are incredible.
there are some people who have helped me out a whole lot. you know who you are. thank you. you're ones who slapped my arm when I swore during lent. you're the ones who call me a man and call me emilio. you're the ones who call me while I'm in florida, just to see if I was alive. you're the ones who pretend I'm your lesbian lover... I mean, there's no pretending. you're the ones who get pretzels down my shirt with your teeth. you're the ones who will fool around with me on the bleachers at bruce park. you're the ones who hold up signs that say "I'd bang him" during camerata rehearsal. you're the ones who will stand by the side of the road with me holding up crazy signs, just to get a laugh. you're the ones who will go with me to pizza places and laugh at me while I propose to someone with a slice of pizza. you're the ones who will hump chairs. you're the ones who feed me cookies while I study for calc. you're the ones who truly know when I'm having a bad day. and you're the ones who hug me when I need it most. to these few people, thank you, and I love you.
then there are others who only pretend to be my friend. these are the scumbags. I'm sure you know who you are, too. and I'm sick of you. when I graduate, I will not make any effort to contact you. be aware that I will not miss you.
to my acquaintances. this is a great group. (caitlin daley, you rock.) lol. people like caitlin brighten up my day by getting a drink of coffee with me. and by talking online with me, when she's sitting right next to me in piano class. it's the little things that that make my day better.
to my ex boyfriends. I wish you the best. no more grudges, no more trying to get back together, no more games. I want to be friends. thank you for making me a stronger person. to one of my ex's, who I just saw the other night, whose brother I just inducted into nhs. thank you. you made me realize that I have much more to offer than my body. to another one of my ex's... you may be reading this now. I talk to you once in a while, mostly about college and politics. you know who you are. I hope we can become stronger friends next year. although we may not see eye to eye, you're still a great person, and I'm honored to know you. you have taught me so much.
this is to all my future boyfriends. God help you. haha.
this little paragraph is dedicated to my best friend, Amanda, aka, Marshmallow. you are amazing. you are a lifesaver - literally. I wouldn't be here today if it weren't for you and your crazy phone calls at midnight to make sure I wasn't gunna die in my sleep. lol. you have inspired me to be a passionate musician - you are the reason I won that yps award!! I will always think of you when I eat cake. and I cannot wait til your orgy/graduation party. and you better keep that room open for me and chris, because let me tell you, you're not gunna wanna walk in while we're in there. lol. I'm jk... well not really. but I love you so much. you are the most amazing trumpet player I've ever heard, and the best friend I could ever ask for. MEOW!
and to one person, a friend I think I just lost... I love you. and I'm so sorry about all this drama in the past 2 days. I will support you in everything you do. I don't know how close we can be now. that's up to you, whether you want to make it possible.
make things possible, people.
"The only possible society is oneself." -Oscar Wilde, "An Ideal Husband"
"Beauty is truth, truth beauty’ – that is all/Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know." -John Keats, "Ode on a Grecian Urn"
"You create your own failure. You create your own success. You create your own destiny." -Mrs. G. N. Roy, 12/10/01
goodnight, goodnight... parting is such sweet sorrow. that I should say goodnight til it be morrow... |
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| Lifesaver |
[May. 26th, 2004|07:21 am] |
Amanda Zymroz is a lifesaver... literally. thank you, and I love you, marshmallow!
xoxo |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 25th, 2004|10:29 pm] |
ok ok, I'd first like to clarify myself with one word: overreaction. Yes, I had one. I admit it. And I don't want people to burn in hell. I just am not going to tolerate being deceived. That's all I'm saying to that.
I've discovered that LJ has made me a drama queen. And I don't want to be that way. Therefore, June 19, I will post my last real entry. I might write occasionally, when I have time, but June 19 will be the end of this JL whore. |
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| fuck you all |
[May. 24th, 2004|10:51 pm] |
This is to all the people who ever went behind my back and did anything that you know would make me mad. Fuck you. I hope you fucking burn in hell, and die a painful death, and that no one will miss you. Because I know I won't.
To all the "friends" who then tried to get with the guy you knew I liked: again, fuck you. Fuck you times INFINITE!
And to the guy who tried to get with my ex friend... I have nothing to say to you. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 23rd, 2004|08:50 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  confused | ] |
Just a brief update. I didn't do much today... I was supposed to play tennis with Clyant, but then God decided he wanted to make it rain. So I stayed home.
I still have this dollar, that I 'stole' from a certain person. And I'm not sure whether he'll ask for it back, which will be a good thing, or if I will give it back voluntarily, which is not a good thing. I just don't know how badly he wants it back. Sometimes I think there's so much there, but times like right now, I feel nothing.
[If you read the above paragraph and think I'm only talking about a $1 bill, you're wrong, there's much more to it.]
Summer's almost here. 27 days. What do you think?...
Quote of the Day:
"Beauty is truth, truth beauty." -Keats. |
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| Sexy Clowns! |
[May. 22nd, 2004|09:50 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  sick | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Verdi, "Forza del Destino" - YEAH AMANDA! I figured it out!! | ] |
Yes, I was a clown today... no really, I was. At the NHS car wash, I wore a multi-colored clown wig, and wrapped myself in a bright green blanket to attract customers... and I suppose it worked, we made abot $370, even though the weather was crappy.
I attracted more than just customers, though... my ex's mom stopped by and talked for a few minutes, then the ex's brother got his car washed, and then the ex drove by... and saw me looking like I did. oh well. He couldn't get with a clown if his life depended on it... haha... I need drugs.
I cleaned my room pretty much all day.. and threw out about 10 lbs worth of stuff... just from under my bed. lol. Yeah, I have so much stuff I don't need. I've saved all my binders (notes, labs, tests, quizzes) from ALL of my classes since freshman year... crazy.
Tomorrow I get to play tennis with Clyant! (hopefully!)
Clarinetist41: rawr I have a yps song stuck in my head, and I can't remember which one it is...
Clarinetist41: da da da daaaaaaaa dat daaah da
Clarinetist41: sing that out loud and see if you remember it
buglebabe823: I have no idea what the fuck you're talking about
I feel icky :(
Quote of the Day:
"Just don't turn lesbian on me, ok?" -The Mallow |
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| "This is my first time..." |
[May. 21st, 2004|06:41 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  blah | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Satis, "Gymnopédie" - I'm learning it on the piano! :) | ] |
Giving blood today reminded me why I hate needles so much. But oh well, it was fun, I guess. Cookies afterward, yumm, and missing 2 class periods! Zac, Allie Duni and I were sitting at the snack table, and the lady was talking about how her son had to be taken to the hospital when he was 13 cuz he had passed out, and the doctor told her that he wasn't sick, but that he was drunk. "All the kids are doing it these days." lol. What a crazy lady. Then she told Zac that it's good that he doesn't have a gf, because she'd be his slave... haha. oh boy.
The blood drive sticker said "This Is My First Time,"... so Clyant suggested that I put it on my jeans below the belt... haha. good times.
Work was ick, I barely did anything. Except, I did read the JI and solved the cryptogram in about 2 minutes, which was quite impressive.
NHS Car Wash tomorrow... Middle School... 9-3... gunna be fun!! :-P
Off to my sister's drama production... not my ideal Friday night, but oh well.
Anyone wanna see Troy with me?...
KELLIE SOBINSKI IS MY HERO!!!!!!!!!!!
Quote of the Day:
"Emily, you're not completely perverted... you're just kinda perverted." -Doc |
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| "Ummm, Marissa, I have a confession..." |
[May. 20th, 2004|08:41 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  hyper | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Blink 182, "All the Small Things," thanks to Zac's cd... | ] |
Lake Compounce today ROCKED! 2 people had a little too much fun before we even got there... 3 words: selzter watter bottle. lol. [RANDOM FEET!!] oh well, I resisted the temptation. So I guess that was my accomplishment of the day.
I walked with the best group ever - Clyant, Marissa, Sonia, Christina, Coco Puffs, Mike T, and Jen D. We definitely hit all the crazy rides. Christina, Clyant and I went on the rapids ride 3 times, and we were SOAKING wet... but Clyant won the wet t-shirt contest. ;-)
I slept on the bus ride home, and then woke up, and Marissa and I laughed at nothing for like, 30 minutes straight. I have never seen that girl laugh as much as she did today. haha. I tried convincing her I was a man lmao.
Then I worked til 8. yuck.
I hope I can hang out with a certain someone this weekend... :)
Quote of the Day:
"Marissa, my real name is Emilio..."
"Clyant, bend over!" lmao. Marissa you are the best.
"Da da da daaaa, it's Marissaaaaa!"
"There we go, it's Emilio!" hahaha
"T-Money!!!" |
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| "Can We Go To Lake Compounce Tomorrow, Mr. T?" |
[May. 19th, 2004|06:36 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  tired | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Tchaikovsky, "Romeo and Juliet" | ] |
Yesterday was quite a day. Doc made fun of me, as usual. Work was ok... and then my sister had a Girl Scout Ceremony. I got home at 7ish, called Zac, and had an interesting convo about pornography when his mom picked up the phone. "Sorry, Zac, I didn't know you were on the phone." lol. oh boy. That almost tops the Grandma story, right, Clyant?
Today was ok. We talked about how much government and school both suck in English today.
Tomorrow is LAKE COMPOUNCE! woohoo! Christina and I are gunna wear skanky shirts to convince boys from other towns to take measurements for us so we don't have to do anything. hehe. Awesome.
I don't remember the last time I did homework.
MUDDA BUDDA -- FEEL BETTER SOON! *muah!*
I need to do something completely daring, but I'm not sure what. I don't wanna dye my hair, and I'm too young for a tattoo or piercing. Any suggestions?
Quote of the Day:
"Emily, you're the weirdest person I know... even weirder than Woodsie!" -Doc |
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| PORNO POLLY, TO THE RESCUE!!! |
[May. 17th, 2004|08:26 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | sleepy | ] |
Yes, I just got back from Camerata... Mrs. Hoffacker told us we looked like Porno Polly. Is that an insult, or a compliment?....
School wasn't bad today. I didn't do much of anything. Woods made fun of me in English... wait, that happens every day.
WE GOT PROM PICS BACK! The buddy shot looks so cute, and the pictures of me and Zac are adorable!! :)
Zac, I hope you feel better!!
I MISS YPS!!! :(
We started our Calc final exam today... icky poo.
Quote of the Day:
"What?? You all look like.... PORNO POLLY!" ::gasp!::
"haha, look what you drew on the board!" -Paul in physics... it could have been one of three things. yikes!! |
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| I LOVE YPS! |
[May. 16th, 2004|09:20 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  impressed | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | D12, "My Band"... and of course, YPS REPERTOIRE! | ] |
So, I just got back from the Finale Concert... thank you to those who went! Tyler, Liz and April, you guys are awesome, I'm so glad you liked it!!
Rehearsal went well, we ran through the program twice, and then we went to lunch. We walked 2 freakin miles to Wendy's, and then 2 miles back. And there was a creey guy there telling us to go to church, and to praise Jesus. And then we started talking about strip poker,... while there was a nun standing behind us. Oops, my bad.
Then the prep-time before the concert. Ms. Backer was pinning flowers on the seniors' shirts, and I just started to cry, even before we got on stage. Then they did AWARDS, and Mr. Smith started talking about one who used to be a shy musician, and over the past 2 years, "she" has really opened up, and there is no doubt "she" is a wonderful musician. And when he announced my name, my heart just leaped over a cliff. As if the day wasn't amazing enough, I got an award!!
The concert itself was amazing. The repertoire was incredible, I loved all the pieces, I loved my solos, and seeing everyone afterward made me break down and cry. My uncle, aunt, and 2 family friends, along with my parents and sister came to see me.
Dinner was HILARIOUS!! We finally ate CAKE!! lol oh man Amanda, I love you so much, you have no idea!! MEOW!!
I love YPS.
To someone special, thank you for the kiss. It was the perfect way to end a perfect season. Please keep in touch... I'll never forget you.
Quotes of the Day:
"What? Exposed?"
"THE cake story!"
"Let's get married"
"This girl used to be very shy...." I love the "used to"!!
Clarinetist41: boys ruin everything.
buglebabe823: I'm seriously going to stab the next one I see.
buglebabe823: That's why I need to go to bed like right now
buglebabe823: Because my brother's down the hall. |
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| Clyant Is An Idiot... |
[May. 15th, 2004|11:48 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  amused | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | music from TOSCA! | ] |
Just kidding Clyant... haha. So, after a day of shopping for kite materials for Calc, and a haircut, Clyant and I went to see Puccini's "Tosca" (the opera) at Springfield Symphony Hall. Here is what I learned:
1. Jealous girls with dark eyes are easily manipulated.
2. If a guy tries to hit on you, stab him with a knife.
3. Death is hilarious.
Good times. So THEN, Clyant had to call AAA because he locked his keys in his car... lol. Clyant, you are amazing, I love you so much!! lol the creepy security guy checking you out... and the creepy concession guy checking ME out...
So, YPS Finale Concert tomorrow... Springfield Symphony Hall... 3PM.... be there, or... idk. haha.
Quote of the Day:
"I enjoyed the performance IMMENSELY" -Clyant, to the fat singer. lmao. |
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| CAKE = ASS KICKING |
[May. 14th, 2004|09:36 pm] |
Here are some eternally memorable quotes between me and the one and only MARSHMALLOW!!!
buglebabe823: He should know that even females want to bang you.
Clarinetist41: from now eating cake = kickin ----'s ass
buglebabe823: I'm going to get so fat.
buglebabe823: lol and marshmallows to roast like the penises of small males.
Clarinetist41: 3 cheers for eating cake!
Clarinetist41: hip hip HEARTBREAK
Clarinetist41: hip hip ASSHOLE
Clarinetist41: hip hip CRUEL AND UNUSUAL PUNISHMENT
buglebabe823: we'll screw senselessly and eat lots of cake...good times.
Clarinetist41: eat some cake?
buglebabe823: I'd love some, thanks.
buglebabe823: Want the frosting?
buglebabe823: --- and ---- should have their penises (penii?) chopped off and shoved down their throats.
buglebabe823: Back.
buglebabe823: with more cake.
Clarinetist41: chocolate?
Clarinetist41: or marble?
buglebabe823: marble.
buglebabe823: because I have mixed feelings as usual.
buglebabe823: either that or somebody cummed in the batter
buglebabe823: dude take one of those out, I look like a nymphomaniac to these people reading your profile
Clarinetist41: dude
Clarinetist41: you are a nymphomaniac
buglebabe823: DUDE
buglebabe823: I am most definitely not
buglebabe823: or if I am, you're just as bad or worse
buglebabe823: so HA
buglebabe823: you and your freaking lesbian sex.
omg... I love you!!! <3 xoxo |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 14th, 2004|08:39 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | weird | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | ALL OF OUR YPS SONGS!!! :) | ] |
So, Spanish Lit exam this morning... dude, that poem that I put in my May 11th LJ entry... was on the exam, in the multiple choice section!! It was the only thing I knew! lol yeah, the essays were awful... out of like, 100 things on the reading list, I read about 90... and the 10 things that I hadn't read were on the essay part of the exam. Whoa. Oh well, I did ok with analyzing the following poem:
Millonarios
por Juana de Ibarbourou
Tómame de la mano. Vámonos a la lluvia
descalzos y ligeros de ropa, sin paraguas,
con el cabello al viento y el cuerpo a la caricia
oblicua, refrescante y menuda, del agua.
¡Que rían los vecinos! Puesto que somos jóvenes
y los dos nos amamos y nos gusta la lluvia,
vamos a ser felices con el gozo sencillo
de un casal de gorriones que en la vía se arrulla.
Más allá están los campos y el camino de acacias
y la quinta suntuosa de aquel pobre señor
millonario y obeso, que con todos sus oros,
no podría comprarnos ni un gramo del tesoro
inefable y supremo que nos ha dado Dios:
ser flexibles, ser jóvenes, estar llenos de amor
Pretty cool.
I went bowling for Christine Bean's 16th birthday party, and then went to Maggie's softball game.
Is this dollar even worth keeping?...
Quote of the Day:
"Michele! You're a walking advertisement for Orbit gum!" as Michele sticks a pack of gum into her bra...
"Whoever gets the next strike gets a prize... ME!" -me, right before Michele got a strike, haha! YES!!! VOY A MONTARTE ESTA NOCHE! |
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| oopsies |
[May. 13th, 2004|01:46 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  mellow | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | MY YPS CD (from the first concert) - DANSE BACCHANNALE!! | ] |
Oopsies, my Spanish exam is tomorrow... oh well, gives me an extra day to study.
I wanna go in the planetarium in the library... I've decided that with my next boyfriend, I want our first kiss to be beneath the stars, romantic, beautiful, perfect.
Speaking of BOYFRIEND, I've been single for a YEAR! idk quite how to feel about this... on one hand, it's exciting being single, flirting, not being tied down... but at the same time, I kinda miss the feelings of kisses , and hugs, and holding hands. I miss holding hands the most.
37 days until graduation. Maybe by then I'll have a boyfriend, someone I have in mind already, who's so amazingly special, and sweet, and hilarious.
Quotes of the Day:
"See, this kite has joints" -Ms. K
"What? Joints? Where?" -Paul
"you + me = planitarium tomorrow" lol |
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| oopsies |
[May. 13th, 2004|01:46 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | mellow | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | MY YPS CD (from the first concert) - DANSE BACCHANNALE!! | ] |
Oopsies, my Spanish exam is tomorrow... oh well, gives me an extra day to study.
I wanna go in the planetarium in the library... I've decided that with my next boyfriend, I want our kiss to be beneath the stars, romantic, beautiful, perfect.
Speaking of BOYFRIEND, I've been single for a YEAR! idk quite how to feel about this... on one hand, it's exciting being single, flirting, not being tied down... but at the same time, I kinda miss the feelings of kisses , and hugs, and holding hands. I miss holding hands the most.
37 days until graduation. Maybe by then I'll have a boyfriend, someone I have in mind already, who's so amazingly special, and sweet, and hilarious.
Quotes of the Day:
"See, this kite has joints" -Ms. K
"What? Joints? Where?" -Paul
"you + me = planitarium tomorrow" lol |
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| oopsies |
[May. 13th, 2004|01:29 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | mellow | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | MY YPS CD (from the first concert) - DANSE BACCHANNALE!! | ] |
Oopsies, my Spanish exam is tomorrow... oh well, gives me an extra day to study.
I wanna go in the planetarium in the library... I've decided that with my next boy friend, I want our kiss to be beneath the stars, romantic, beautiful, perfect.
Speaking of BOYFRIEND, I've been single for a YEAR! idk quite how to feel about this... on one hand, it's exciting being single, flirting, not being tied down... but at the same time, I kinda miss the feelings of kisses , and hugs, and holding hands. I miss holding hands the most.
37 days until graduation. Maybe by then I'll have a boyfriend, someone I have in mind already, who's so amazingly special, and sweet, and hilarious.
Quotes of the Day:
"See, this kite has joints" -Ms. K
"What? Joints? Where?" -Paul
"you + me = planitarium tomorrow" lol |
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| Mondo Gross! |
[May. 11th, 2004|10:01 pm] |
Here is Julie and my poem about waves (for Physics):
I had a dream about a wave
This wave, I say, was named Big Dave
Dave would go and oscillate
And I said, "Hey, Dave, that's just great,
But I would rather you behave."
TA DAAAAA!!!!
Oh, by the way, I saw "the ex" at school yesterday. Wow. It took all my energy not to throw up. I was actually disgusted. Ew. Ew ew ew! EEWWW!
ew. |
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